Fanta Orange with Sugar

Well I’m still scraping by on drinks to review due to my laziness of doing that thing where you get in the big steel box and direct it to one of those large boxes where people find the different sodas.  So today we’re once again relying on my local foodery, a place I’m treating like a dog treats a bone in the yard.  Gotta save it for later, don’t finish the bone, gotta save it for later.  Today’s scrounging has brought me in contact with Fanta Orange.  “Big whoop” you might say and if you did I’d probably chuckle at you.  This isn’t your ordinary Fanta Orange, this Fanta Orange hails from Mexico which means… wait for it… yes it’s sweetened with real sugar.  I’m pretty sure most of us are vaguely familiar with Fanta, but if not here goes the sentence summary.  Fanta is the brand Coke uses for fruit flavors.  Heck you might even remember the Fanta Girls asking if you “Wanna Fanta?  Don’t you wanna?”  If none of that rings your doorbells don’t worry, it’s just orange soda.

After using my trusty vintage “Colorado County Federal Savings and Loan Association” bottle opener I’m greeted with the familiar scent of orange soda.  It’s not over powering, it’s not amazing, it’s faint and it’s orange.  Moving on.

Immediately I’m impressed by the light mouth feel this sugar sweetened beverage gives me, but that’s the finish and around here we start from the beginning.  Upon first consumption of Fanta Orange my taste buds are greeted with sweet orange flavor.  It’s similar to your basic orange candy, but slightly less powerful in taste.  The orange essence sits flatly in your mouth for a few seconds before the bubbles set in before coating your tongue with light fizzy bubbles.  Throughout the entire experience though there’s the very subtle hint of cardboard.  It doesn’t ruin the taste by any means, but it’s most definitely present.  Now this “cardboard” taste might only be in my world as I’ve noticed that it’s present in many of the orange sodas I’ve tasted.  Frostie, while I like it a lot, is the strongest example of that.  With all that said Fanta Orange is still a pretty good orange soda, but nothing you need to seek out.  If you’re already a Fan of Fanta (I really hope that’s been an advertising campaign of theirs) then try and find yourself a bottle of the Mexican version.  If you’re just “alright” with Orange Fanta then I’d say go ahead and stick to the HFCS version because it’s not worth the extra effort to find this.

~A

Twist invented soda flavored stamps back in the 70's, but no one wanted to buy from an iguana... pity.

Limonad (Fan Review!)

I work in Wheeling, IL, which is a suburb of Chicago. For some reason we have a pretty sizable Russian community here, not of whom, I am convinced, are involved in legit activities.

That being said, there is a supermarket here, Garden Fresh, which stocks all kinds of strange products from Russia, Bulgaria, Poland etc. including soft drinks.

I decided to give some a try, this is Limonad from Russia. OK, it’s got a little elf on the front and loads of medals and awards so how bad can it be? I used to drink Jic Jac when I was a kid. I took it to work and asked a Russian colleague to translate the name (because I can’t read it, obviously) and she said “it supposed to remind us of our childhood”.

A friend who saw it was a little troubled that I was going to drink it. “It’s yellow and it’s from Russia. Do you know what the color reminds me of?” It does resemble some samples I had taken to the doctor once for testing.

Undaunted, I opened the bottle to enjoy with my Rahmen noodles tonight. It has an odd smell, like some kind of medicine my mom used to give me when I was sick. When I took my first sip and my taste buds sent terrible signals to my brain.  It’s highly carbonated, not sweet at all, and has a bitter herbal taste, like anise if you’ve ever tasted that. It reminded me of some of the flavored schnapps I used to get in Sweden which had little twigs and leaves in the bottle but was “good for your health”. This, honestly, has to be one of the worst things I have ever had the misfortune of drinking, and I couldn’t even finish the bottle. It boggles the imagination to think that someone is brewing this stuff up, putting it in a bottle and people are spending their hard earned rubles to purchase and consume it.  So now I am trying to figure out what’s really up with smiling elf on the bottle and why it has won all those awards. Maybe it mixes well with vodka and can remove rust.

Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar

There’s an issue I’ve been tip-toeing around for a while here on the site and that is whether or not I should include non-carbonated beverages in the reviews.  The response I’ve come up with is that I’ll take them on a case by case basis if they seem unique enough to test.  First and foremost this is a SODA review site, but occasionally it may step off that path for a brief second.  With that said, I’m not sure today’s selected beverage is carbonated.  I can tell you that it’s a Turkish beverage given to us by a nice lady who works with me.  The beverage at hand is called Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar.  The can is 330ml and a rich pink color.  There are no less than 26 cherries pictured on the can as well so you have to hope their taking this “cherry flavor” seriously.  Another sign that shows how “real” this beverage is about to be are the lack of nonsense ingredients.  Water, Sugar, Sour  Cherry Juice (from concentrate), and Citric Acid are the only components of Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar.  Again, I know this doesn’t fit our “soda definition”, but did you really think I’d turn down reviewing a Turkish beverage of any kind?  Drinkin’ time.

I don’t know if my nose isn’t working properly or what, but I’m getting little to no scent coming out of this stout little can.  My olfactory glands can only detect the slightest of aromas… to the point where my brain might be creating the scent for me just so I don’t feel insane.  Hopefully the flavor is a bit stronger.

Well, the non-carbonation aspect took me by surprise even though I knew it had no fizz to it.  I can sum the flavor of this beverage up fairly easily.  This tastes like liquid cherry pie filling.  If you like cherry pie (feel free to make all the innuendos you wish, I’m not doing your dirty work for you) then you’ll probably love this beverage.  The only flavor difference between this and a cherry pie filling is that at the end of the road this veers more towards tart where a cherry pie might swerve towards sweet.  Looking at the nutrition label I’m surprised to see that it only has 12grams of sugar because it tastes like it would have closer to 30.  The cherry juice does produce a trivial burn in the back of your throat with the completion of each sip, but unless your throat is made of origami paper you probably won’t even notice.  The aftertaste, which is exactly like the before taste and the current taste, sits in your mouth for a good while after your drink is complete.  That seems to be the only downside to Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar, the fact that it sits rather heavy in your mouth for the duration of the consumption.  I’m aware that nectar would be apt to do such a thing, but I still have to compare this to soda.  I know this probably goes without saying but nectar isn’t the most refreshing of beverages so don’t expect your thirst to be quenched.  Refreshing or not this can holds a good amount of deliciousness that might even be a bit too rich for some.  Pretty much every word I wrote after typing “This tastes like liquid cherry pie filling”

~A

Twist only plays Turkish board games.

IVI Carbonated Orangeade

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I’m reviewing today.  It’s sitting here right in front of me, but I can’t pronounce it even if I tried.  You see, today’s drink is from Greece and it’s called hbh Carbonated Orangeade.  The only reason I know it’s carbonated orangeade is because the “English” side of the bottle tells me that, but those are the only words in English I can spot.  The label, other than being 98% Greek displays numerous fun images like an MP3 player and a guitar in an orange tint.  Using a Google Translation I check out their website and see that hbh Carbonated Orangeade is sweetened with sugar and also includes 20% orange juice.  I also found out that it can be called IVI Carbonated Orangeade as well.  I’m going to use that from here on out just to help out the search engines.  Thanks website!  Heck they even have a Youtube video on here showing you how it’s made.  Maybe I’ll check that out after this review.  As for now, I have a somewhat less mysterious soda to drink.

I’m not sure how carbonated this is supposed to be, but it has little to none.  I’m going to go ahead and attribute this to the long distance it travelled being shaken all the way.  Hopefully the taste will still be delightful enough for a good review, but I will definitely factor in that it might actually have carbonation if consumed directly from the store.

Ok, so there is the slightest touch of carbonation, which tells me that IVI Carbonated Orangeade usually has more.  As for the taste, I really like it.  The orange juice and orange soda mixture is done perfectly combining the best of both drinks beautifully.  The sweetness of the orange soda leaves your mouth very pleased with what it’s consuming, but the orange juice almost tricks your brain into thinking what you’re consuming is healthy.  As I was trying to figure out how many grams of sugar are in this (39g btw) I found that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is a Pepsi-Co product.  I thought that website looked pretty fancy for it not to be attached to one of the big two.  I’ve tasted carbonated orange juice before when I reviewed Orangina and I must say that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is the better of the two.  Now you’ll probably find Orangina a bit more easily in the states, but if for some reason you travel to a place that has them both, maybe Santa Paula, California Citrus or Ganzhou, Jiangxi, China… you should probably chose the IVI.  While I truly enjoy this beverage I’m going to stop drinking it because I’m not really sure when, or if, it has expired.  If it hasn’t expired then it’s a fantastic beverage that will fulfill any want or need for oranges you might have… minus vitamin C of course.  Now if this bottle of IVI Carbonated Orangeade has indeed expired then I’m not sure my tongue could stand to see what it tasted like “fresh”.  For now though I’m going to grade it on the flavor and mouth feel I just experienced.  Know that this rating is probably lower than it deserves, but until I crack open a brand new bottle it’ll have to work.

~A

Nothing is Greek to Twist.

Hype Energy Drink (Fan Review!)

Hello Everyone! My name is Avery, and I will be writing a guest review for The Soda Jerks. I feel very venerated to be able to compose a review for such a lovely website. But before I get a little too supercilious, let’s check out the drink I will be reviewing.

Straight from the depths of the Netherlands comes the energy drink known as Hype. When I started reviewing energy drinks back in the ancient times of 2009 Hype Energy Drinks was a brand that I absolutely had to review. This was mostly due to some popular reviewer giving it an extremely high rating for taste. Email after email, I desperately tried to secure some samples of this drink, but I did not succeed. Miraculously, just last week I received an email from Hype asking if they could send samples. Rather than angrily typing out that I sent them several previous emails, I graciously accepted the package.

When it arrived, I was simply awestruck by the impeccable, sophisticated, and downright gorgeous product display. Instead of simply wrapping their cans in bubble wrap, the folks at Hype Energy put their cans in a sleek, black box. Each can being in their own little compartment. Fantastic! I proceeded to remove Hype Original from its compartment and examine the can. It certainly is not the greatest looking can I’ve ever laid eyes on, but with its vivid and attention-getting blue can with eye-catching silver letters, it should have no trouble popping off the shelf.

 Needless to say, I couldn’t wait any longer and simply had to take a few sips. I must admit, I was expecting a Red Bull clone, but fortunately Hype is so much more than that. Yes, it does have that same tartness that Red Bull has, but the flavor is actually an indescribable mixture of berries. Some individuals may not enjoy this, but I thought it was very unique. It isn’t the world’s greatest tasting energy drink, but it still manages to bring something new to the table. And after all, isn’t that what you really want in a world full of Red Bull clones? I say, if you see this in your local grocery store, do not be afraid to give it a try. You might like it.

Like what you see here from Avery?  Look at so much more of it on his website Addicted 2 Energy!

Did scrolling down the length of this beverage make you feel naughty?

Yardy Roots Malta (Fan Review!)

So I'd been browsing online for a birthday present, weird soda for my brother. Most of the stuff I looked up, good reviews and all. But wait! There was one that wasn't. Yardy Roots Malta, Malt Based Root Tonic.

Sounds Jamaican frankly, and it looked odd enough. I'd already gotten enough "good" soda and one more would put me over the top on the minimum amount I needed to get it shipped. Into the shopping car it went.

Cue several days and a birthday later. The bottle was opened, and immediately things did not smell good. It smells like molasses, which if you've never smelled molasses, well it is frankly awful. Like tree sap gone rotten. But hey, molasses (in small quantities) can taste perfectly fine. So ignoring exhortations to the contrary into a glass went some ice and some of the dark brown liquid.

Now the good news here is that much like molasses it doesn't taste as bad as it looks. The bad news is that it just doesn't taste very good. A tangy, sweet/bitter taste that frankly reminds one a lot of molasses in taste as well. Sips and gulping it down didn't improve things much. Letting it sit, just for the sake of thoroughness, was a bit unpleasant, clearly not very close to "enjoyable".

I'd not go so far as to say that there isn't ANYONE out there that wouldn't somehow enjoy this strange concoction. I didn't spit it out in vaporized disgust, and managed to drink well enough for a review. But "Buyer Beware" is definitely a warning to take into consideration.

Son of Thomp

*editors note - if you can find a picture of this particular soda I'd be most pleased.  In case you don't know, that's the best way to live... best pleased.*

Chubby Orango Tango

As you may have noticed this year, primarily… well only from this site, the newest trend going on is that orange sodas now represent the feeling of winter.  Put it up there with crisp cool air, family, and ice skating.  Today’s festivities allow us to open another bottle of Chubby, this one with the interestingly named flavor of Orango Tango.  Today the mascot on the label, who I assume is named Chubby, just seems to be standing there smiling at me.  He’s a rather friendly looking fellow.  If you don’t feel like reading previous Chubby reviews I’ll give you a quick rundown.  Chubby is a drink from Mexico sweetened with sugar and tends to be very average in taste while being overly sweet.  Let’s find out if Orango Tango walks along this same path.

Chubby Orango Tango smells like a fun fizzy orange as the bubbles jump up to grab my nose.  Hopefully they’re welcoming me to the drinking experience and not trying to warn me of my impending doom.  That might be a Twilight Zone episode, but I’m going to chalk it up as an original idea.

Bleh.  Chubby Orango Tango has very little carbonation so I’m now in fear of whatever was jumping up at my nose making me think it was fun bubbles, or fubbles.  There is an orange taste thankfully, but it’s one masked in the shroud of cardboard as so many mediocre to bad orange sodas are.  When I say something tastes like cardboard I’m not using that as a blanket statement that it tastes badly.  This actually tastes of cardboard, like you licked a packing box of some sort.  The only thing Chubby Orango Tango has going for it is that the aftertaste reminds me of generic orange candy that you might find in a Piñata.  I can’t recommend this to anyone.  You could go to the store and pick up a Sunkist, chemicals and all, and it would taste much better than Chubby Orango Tango.  I’m going to throw an artistic fit now and claim that this soda has brought me such banal flavoring that I’m too distraught to continue this review.

~A

Twist is ashamed to be this close to mediocrity.

Chubby Tutti Frutti

It seems like just last week when I first tried Chubby brand beverages.  Oh yeah, it was!  Today’s 250 ml. bottle is full of Tutti Frutti flavored Chubby brand soda.  I have higher hopes for the Tutti Frutti (already annoying to spell) flavor soda because it’s has a wider spectrum of what it should taste like than say blueberry.  The little chubby mascot on the front of the bottle is playing either tennis or racquetball.  I’m not sure if either have anything to do with Tutti Frutti, but I’ll still give it a shot.  Remember Chubby brand sodas use cane sugar for sweetening so we’re already starting off on the right foot.  Let’s proceed, shall we?

Mmmmm, that smells like delicious cherry, orange, strawberry, sweet, sugary goodness.  So in short, it smells like red kool-aid.  I’m literally salivating at the prospect of trying this beverage in front of me that could taste like red kool-aid.  Enough with the smells.

I feverishly chugged half the bottle down with the anticipation that it would be a carbonated red kool-aid soda.  While I wasn’t disappointed in the flavor it is not red kool-aid soda.  Chubby Tutti Frutti gives you the initial cherry/strawberry flavoring you’d expect with just a touch of carbonation.  While this is all fine and dandy like sour candy the finish is where this beverage falls short of what it could be.  The mid-taste to aftertaste portion of this particular type of Chubby tastes like a cherry cough drop.  It’s not sorta like a cherry cough drop, it doesn’t remind me of a cherry cough drop, it tastes exactly like a cherry cough drop (Halls to be exact) without the medicinal qualities.  So in short here’s what you get.  You get a red kool-aidesque slightly carbonated beverage that tastes like a cough drop 50% of the time you’re consuming it.  Is it terrible?  No, not at all, in fact I finished the bottle just fine.  Is it better than Chubby BlueBerry?  Yes, yes it is.  While Chubby Tutti Frutti might not be the best example of a fruit punch soda, it does have enough positive qualities to warrant its rating.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist founded Wimbledon

Chubby BlueBerry Blast

I’ve got a Chubby.  Now that the name of the drink has been said and the most obvious joke in my arsenal has been played, we can move on like the intellectual citizens we are.  Today’s drink was supplied to me by Double Abeyta and its full name is Chubby BlueBerry Blast Soda.  Chubby beverages apparently come in a short 8.45 Fl. Oz. (250 ml.) bottle adorned with a chubby cartoon character.  There is no “story of chubby”, or “facts about chubby”, or even a name for the chubby cartoon character… although I’m assuming his name is Chubby.  This is a product of Trinidad & Tobago so this is fortunately sweetened with sugar.  The rest of the ingredients are chemicals, but at least we can rely on good ol’ trust worthy sugar.  I’m a fan of blueberry soda so let’s move this review in the appropriate direction.

Chubby BlueBerry Blast smells like shampoo.  It’s a fruity smell, but it’s a shampooey smell as well.  If I use my imagination I can pretend to smell the scent of blueberry candy… this calms my thoughts.  On to the drink!

While it does taste a bit like a fruity shampoo might, I’m happy to announce that shampoo is not the dominating flavor.  This subtly carbonated beverage also tastes like chemicals flavored to resemble blueberries.  Herein lies the problem with Chubby BlueBerry Blast… it doesn’t taste like blueberries at all.  This tastes like a hodgepodge of blue candies blended together with little care what the end result was.  I’m also sad(?) to say that the more I drink it the more this does indeed taste like I’m drinking shampoo.   Maybe if Chubby BlueBerry Blast was marketed as a drinkable shampoo I’d give it more “props” as the kids say.  Who am I kidding the kids don’t say that anymore, nor am I old enough to use the phrase “as the kids say”.  With its impossible to ignore soapy flavor I wonder what would happen if I combined Chubby with bland boringness of Neurogasm.  Someone with a lower brow than I can write that joke… I’ll just sit back and laugh at it.

~A

Twist used to have hair until he willed it away.

Schin Guarana

SCHIN!  Looks like a sound effect of some sort doesn’t it?  It’s almost a bike.  It also could be a misspelled body part.  Today though, Schin is a soda… and its full name is Schin Guarana to be more specific.  We’ve dealt with Guarana before, but just as a reminder here’s what it is.  Guarana is a climbing plant commonly found in Brazil that is especially good at producing caffeine.  The fruit of a Guarana plant produces about twice the caffeine as a coffee bean while being approximately the same size.  Now you have something to mildly impress your friends with.  Who am I kidding?  They’re gonna stop listening right after you say “Guess what I learned yesterday from this soda review site.”  Schin Guarana, from here on being called Shin, is indeed a Brazilian beverage brought to me by The Coolest Man on the Planet.  The can art that surrounds the liquid known as Schin would make Willy Wonka proud.  It’s resembles the colors you might find in a tie-dyed shirt… without the tie portion.  Schin does use real deal sugar so I’m happy to see that on the label as well.  Enough of this blibber blabber, on to the drinking!

Upon opening this 350ml can I get very little aroma at all.  Maybe if I knew what Guarana smelled like I could identify it, but I don’t so I’m sorry.  The only scent I do detect is that of bubble gum.  It’s not your pink bubble gum standard smell, but I can’t describe it in any other way.  If I practically inhale the beverage through my nostrils I can also pick out the scent of red delicious apples.  Again, maybe Guarana smells like bubble gum and apples… I have no clue.  Let’s move on to something I might be a bit better at.  Drink on.

Well that’s odd.  Schin’s carbonation level is lower than I expected it to be.  While many drinks go for the “numerous tiny bubbles to make your tongue burn” technique, Schin goes for the “less giant bubbles that just kind of fumble around” technique.  The taste I am greeted with is one of gum and apples.  It’d be crass of me to say that’s all that I can taste, but the flavor is more complicated than the words I can use.  I honestly think this is probably what Guarana tastes like.  I really need to become more familiar with Guarana (a word I’ve never typed so many times before in my life) so that I can better assess situations like this.  Schin is a tasty drink with a somewhat tasty aftertaste.  This is a bit sweeter, and fruitier than I like my sodas but I can see why it’s so successful.  I’m not sure you should pick up multiples of Schin if you saw it in a store though.  Perhaps just one and see if your love grows from that single seed.  That single Schin seed.

~A

Faux Fact:  Twist is the official everything of Brazil

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Kickapoo Joy Juice

Another beverage given to me by the MMAgician and hailing from Singapore is Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Judging by the green and yellow coloration of the can I’m going to assume this is similar to a Mountain Dew (or MTN DEW) product.  Now on the can and this where it gets weird, are two characters from the now defunct comic strip Li’l Abner.  Character number one is “Lonesome Polecat”.  Lonesome Polecat is drawn how you would think a Native American would be drawn back when Li’l Abner was a comic strip.  That would be from 1934-1977 for reference.  The second character in charge of making this Kickapoo Joy Juice is “Hairless Joe”.  Hairless Joe is a caveman that lives in modern times.  He’s got a giant club, a leopard skin outfit, and even though his name suggests it he is most certainly not hairless.  Now that you know the cast of characters let me tell you what they’re doing on this logo.  Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe seem to be sitting in a tub of Kickapoo Joy Juice that has created an explosion so large (a mushroom cloud is visible) that they have rocketed themselves out of Earth’s orbit.  Underneath said picture read the words “Original USA Joy Juice Recipe”.  So at least we know we’re getting the real deal here.  The ingredients are as follows, Carbonated Water, Sucrose, Citric Acid, Sodium Citrate, Stabilizers (what?), Flavouring, Preservative, Colour E102, and Caffeine.  With all that said, let’s try out some of Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe’s mixture… which according to the Li’l Aber Wiki page is made in a cave.

As I assumed this is certainly a Mountain Dew-esque beverage, or at least the smell would have me believe that.  If I had to pick a scent which stands out over the other citrus aromas that are escaping the can I’d go with lemon.  Time to hopefully enjoy my 10.9 fluid ounces of Kickapoo Joy Juice!

The top of this can reads “Get That Kick!” and I certainly would have loved to have “Gotten it” but it’s not in the cards for Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Kickapoo Joy Juice, which I enjoy typing out, tastes like a diluted Mountain Dew.  If it were just a diluted Mountain Dew I could probably sign off on it fairly easily but there’s more.  With every drink there’s another flavor, sorry, flavour that sits on your tongue like a fat cat sits on a warm windowsill.  While this flavour isn’t horrible it is unmoving and very noticeable to me.  The rest of your mouth becomes a moderately fun party with each sip and your tongue is the grouchy neighbor downstairs who keeps ruining it through various means… and begin scene using characters from Zelda.

Link - “Hey guys!  Ummmm, no one could really make it to the party today, so I’m glad you came.  Want to drag out the old pop-o-matic bubble for a rousing game of Trouble?”

**knock knock knock** 

“Oh hi officer, what can I do for you?” 

Officer Armos - “We got a call from the Old Man downstairs saying that you were making far too much noise up here.”

Link – “But we were just about to play a bo….”

Officer Armos – “I don’t really care; just keep it down would you?”

Link – “Ok, sorry [closes door].  So where were we?

Zelda – “Actually Link I think Ganon and I are gonna head out.

Link – “…but he’s going to kidna… nevermind.  Just make sure he doesn’t get all feely with your triforce.”

Aaaand scene!  Ok, that example that went on for too long was more enjoyable than the flavor that is still sitting on my tongue.  I guess the best way to describe Kickapoo Joy Juice is this.  Kickapoo Joy Juice is a soda.  It’s nothing special in the slightest but still consumable.

~A

Twist actually starred in Li'l Abner between the years 1943-1945.

F&N Sarsi

“The Original Sarsi”.  That’s what I have in front of me today.  Technically it’s F&N Sarsi but I honestly don’t know if that makes a difference.  You see this can of Sarsi is from Singapore, brought to me by the MMAgician.  F&N Sarsi is manufactured and distributed by Coca-Cola Singapore Beverages Pte. Ltd.  I’m guessing it’s a fairy mainstream drink over there.  Maybe I’ll do a little more digging on Sarsi.  If you find these next few sentences <surrounded by alligators> informative at all that means I did in fact do some digging. <Sarsi, it’s just so fun to type, is a sarsaparilla based beverage sold in South East Asia.  Ok, we’re making some sense here… Sarsi/Sarsparilla… I see what they did there.  Fun fact!  According to Wikipedia, Sarsi was the subject of a 1985 film called It’s a Drink, It’s a Bomb, where a grenade was disguised as a can of Sarsi.> Sarsi seems to have a pretty short ingredient list.  Let’s read shall we?  Carbonated Water, Sugar, Flavourings, Caramel, Citric Acid and Preservative.  They seem to hide stuff a little better over in Singapore.  I know not if the “Flavourings” are naturally or chemically spawned.  I also don’t know what the “Preservative” is.  It could be formaldehyde or Sodium Benzoate.  Fingers crossed for formaldehyde!  Seeing as I don’t know what Sarsi should even begin to taste like (since I haven’t looked it up yet as of typing this) I’m interested to open up this stumpy maroon can.

One.   That was the most difficult opening of a can I’ve ever been a part of.  Two.  This smells like dreams.  Sarsi smells of root beer, Dr. Pepper, and peppermint, COMBINED!  While intrigued even more I’m now experiencing a bit of fear as well.  Ah well, who else can say that they’re drinking a Singapore soda today?  NOT YOU!  Unless of course you’re reading this in Singapore… in that case thanks for the readership you handsome/beautiful devil you.

Whoa… that tastes nothing like Dr. Pepper or peppermint.  Sarsi tastes of carbonated black licorice with a hint of root beer.  Mike (remember Mike?) says that birch beer tastes of licorice, while I thought it tasted so similarly to root beer that they wasted time re-naming it birch beer.  There were fights abound on the subject, one eventually coming to fisticuffs.  Sarsi on the other hand tastes like they soaked a handful of black licorice jellybeans in a diluted root beer concoction.  If you remember from the research above you will understand that half of my review isn’t that far off.  Sarsi is a sarsaparilla based soda so that explains the root beer.  I guess one of the “flavourings” could be licorice but we’ll never know.  Thanks Coke!  Thoke!  Sarsi’s carbonation to flavour ratio works very well for itself, but carbonation sits on the back burner when you have such an interesting flavour as we do here.  With that said Sarsi is in fact very different from anything I’ve tried up to this point.  While my joy of drinking it has increased throughout this review, I just can’t see myself purchasing a pack of Sarsi.  Therefore.

~A

Twist's blood is actually Sarsi, but not the kind you find in stores... the life granting kind.

Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Barrilitos Tropical Punch

   I haven’t had a lot of tropical/fruit punch flavored sodas which is one reason I’m happy to have this bottle of Barrilitos Tropical Punch flavored soda in front of me.  Another more obvious reason is the fact that it is of course made with cane sugar since it’s from Mexico.  This is my first Barrilitos soda so I really have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it’ll be close to an experience with a bottle of Jarritos than one of Caballitos.  I don’t really know what the logo is for Barrilitos but I do know that I like it.  It’s a green circle with a nifty design inside of it comprised of white ovals.  It looks very 1960’s space age if you ask me… which you did since you’re reading this.  Other than a nifty green logo and a textured neck this bottle of Barriltios is rather plain but that’s ok because it looks great with its simplistic design.  Time for a breather.

   I’d assume that tropical punch is a mixture of all sorts of flavors and smells but the one that I can smell the most easily is that of tangerine.  There’s an obvious mixture of fruit coming out of the bottle so this should be an interesting taste sensation.

   The flavor isn’t shy, I’ll tell you that much.  While I can’t discern a particular fruit from the taste I can tell you it seems to be a mixture of citrus and something of the plums/nectarines/peaches variety.  This is a very juicy soda… almost like you’re biting into a nicely ripened plum.  Your tongue immediately feels the punch that is listed on the label as soon as you take your first sip.  As long as the soda is in your mouth you are also aware of the carbonation.  It doesn’t so much attack your mouth as it makes its presence known.  Every holiday you have that one uncle that usually comes over and drinks way too much. (I don’t actually have this person in my family myself but stick with me here… pretend we’re a movie family and the analogy will work so much better.)  Anyway they usually drink way too much and make a huge scene.  Telling the kids inappropriate jokes for example.  Insulting the chair, apologizing to the chair, and eventually hugging the chair because he thinks it’s his father.  Putting lipstick on everything in the house that has lips… a mouth… or even just a face (clocks included).   You get the picture.  The carbonation isn’t that version of your movie uncle, the carbonation is that same uncle the year after he sobers up.  You keep your eyes trained on him waiting for him to make a scene but he doesn’t.  Throughout the night you can’t remove your gaze for the fear that you’ll be attacked with lipstick but still nothing happens.  Your uncle has made you very aware of himself but never making the scene he could be capable of making.  THAT is what the carbonation in this drink compares to.  You are very aware of it but not to the point where it’s apologizing to furniture.  With that said this is an above average drink but barely.  It has a nice flavor, a nice fizz, and decent ingredients… go on and treat yourself.

~A

Twist IS that drunk uncle.

Caballitos Mandarin

   “Little Horses”.  That’s what Caballitos translates into and that’s the name of the beverage I’m about to consume.  To be technical its mandarin flavored Caballitos.  If I was a more learned man I would know why Mexican sodas seem to popularly end in “itos”.  Jarritos, Barralitos, and now Caballitos.  Hopefully in the next 13.5 fluid ounces (that’s 400 ml for my metric friends) I’ll be a little closer to that answer but probably not.  Since this soda is Mexican I don’t even have to worry about finding HFCS on the ingredients label.  Nope!  Good old sugar is what sweetens this drink!  The bottle art for Caballitos seems to be a horse exploding from underneath a bottle cap.  The explosion caused by said horse apparently disrupted the Universe of Orange as orange pieces are flying hither and thither.  Let’s open ‘er up shall we?

   Huff as I might I only get the slightest of scents from the mouth of the bottle.  The mandarin scent is so very, very faint but we still must press on!  Drink up!

   This is the tamest orange soda I think I’ve had to date.  There is very little carbonation, very little bite, and the flavor is just so very average.  This tastes as if you took Sunkist Orange soda and added 3 parts water but then somehow took away the sensation of “watered down”.  Caballitos Mandarin doesn’t taste like watered down orange soda… it just weakly sits there.  The horse on the side art must be trying to leave the bottle as he is much too powerful of a mascot to be left upon such a mundane bottle of soda.  (Spoilers from The NeverEnding Story are coming up next, so beware Ralph ”The only guy who hasn’t seen The NeverEnding Story” Stevens.)  Sadly, much like Artax from the NeverEnding Story he must sit there and slowly meet his demise.  “Artax, you're sinking! Come on, turn around, you have to, now! Come on! Artax! Fight against the sadness, Artax.”  That scene hurt me so very much as a child.  I was very attached to Artax since we’d been through so much together in that movie.  Then as an adult I watched the movie again.  The horse dies like 10 minutes after you first meet him… TEN MINUTES!  They jarred my fragile child psyche with the death of a horse I met ten minutes ago!  On a higher note… wasn’t that luck dragon creepy/cool?  Where was I… oh yeah (Spoilers End).  Caballitos is very average orange, sorry, mandarin soda.  It doesn’t taste bad but it does absolutely nothing to set it apart from the pack… well except re-injure my childhood’s emotional scars.

~A

Twist was rooting for the Nothing the entire time... he's heartless like that.

SAPS Cola

   A nice man from the website DizzyFrinks.com (see what he did there) contacted me and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  If I was more into the Godfather I’d make a better joke here.  I went and checked out DizzyFrinks.com and really liked what I saw.  Great design, nice layout… heck if I had any kind of experience in web design it’s pretty much what our site would look like.  I noticed he had a good selection of German beverages and I was curious to try one.  After carefully looking over them all I eventually became the proud owner of a bottle of SAPS Cola.  So I must thank the fine folks at DizzyFrinks.com for opening my eyes to a beverage I probably wouldn’t have even thought of procuring.   Now that you’ve passed over three, count them, three hyperlinks to said website hopefully you’ll visit after you’re done reading this review. 

   Being from Germany, SAPS Cola’s bottle is filled with fun German words and phrases.  “Koffeinfrei” is the first one I notice and my rudimentary understanding of German deciphers that it means “Caffeine Free”.  Next up is the sentence “Mit Biohonig Gesuesst”.  Again my 3 years of high school German crack this coded sentence to mean “With Biohoney Gesuesst.”  Ok… so maybe I need to look this one up.  Ah, here we go… “Sweetened with Organic Honey”.  Thanks so much Google Translate.  The bottle design is kind of fun with a short stocky body attached to a long slender neck.  Sadly the label itself is fairly boring with the exception being a cartoon bee resting upon the “a” in the word “Cola”.  I looked up a little information on SAPS Cola and found out that it’s 100% natural, has won some awards, and has no preservatives.  All of these things normally point towards a great drink.  Let’s sniff it out a little more before we put a blue ribbon on the hog.  (Honestly I just wanted to write a made up country saying there.  I think I did pretty well.)

   Wow.  I never thought I’d be able to smell the honey so strongly upon opening this bottle.  If this review continues to go this well maybe more beverages should use Biohonig.  I literally only smell cola and honey and now I’m even more intrigued.  Shall I drink it now?  Yes I shall.

   That tastes nothing like I thought it would, which is a nice surprise.  I didn’t expect it to be gross or anything but the cola flavoring is much more muted than I predicted.  The initial flavor is a bit off putting but very familiar to me.  Well I guess it’s not completely familiar because I can’t pin point where I’ve tasted it before.  I know I’ve had at least one other soda that included this mystery flavor.  I’m starting to think that this is similar to the first half of a sip of Moxie.  As we all know the second half of Moxie tastes like carbonated tires.  Sadly I can’t claim that humorous description of Moxie but it was placed on the site and I enjoyed it to the point of adopting it.  I know they’re trying to get the cola taste through all natural means but the honey is the winning combatant in this battle.  I think that the flavor is one that most American palates would find unique and maybe a bit off putting at first but I must say the more I drink it the better it tastes.  It’s almost like the honey has a mind of its own and it slowing taking over my mouth.  Not to the point where a swarm of bees has claimed residence in my throat awkwardly flying out one by one to the confusion of everyone around me.  That would almost be worth it though.  I would randomly produce a bee from my mouth only to watch everyone in the room freak out until the bee landed safely back on my tongue only to go back home behind my molars.  One can dream can’t they?  One…can…dream.  Anywho, back to the beverage at hand.  The level of carbonation is low but that can be attributed to the fact that SAPS Cola is sweetened with honey.  Carbon Dioxide doesn’t bond as well with honey (or other natural but alternative sweeteners) as it does with sugar.  This in turn leads to a perfectly new soda tasting “flat”.  I wish I could say I knew that because of my immense chemistry background but in actuality I was told this by a soda manufacturer.  I used to be bothered by this flat taste when I started reviewing but I’ve come to appreciate the mouth feel of these drinks now.  They don’t attack your mouth and throat as much allowing you to focus on the beverage at hand instead of reacting to the initial buzz (haha, get it, buzz?) of the carbonation.  With all that said it’s time to put down a verdict.  I can honestly say that the ingredient list bumps this cola up a notch.  Would this by my drink of choice if I lived in Germany?  No, probably not.  Do I recommend you purchase this from overseas?  Nope.  If you live in Germany already but haven’t had the chance to try this should you?  Yes.  In fact…

Twist ist durstig

Jarritos Mexican Cola

   Jarritos does such a great job making sodas that we’ve reviewed every one of them so far… except Strawberry.  Our bottle of strawberry was lost to some goblins in a fan’s house.  One day… one day.  Any who, imagine my joy when a fan of ours, “AX2”, brought me a bottle of Jarritos Mexican Cola.  I wasn’t even aware Jarritos sold a cola in the United States so I had to research.  What I found was that Jarritos Mexican Cola had run an ad campaign with the sentence “It Crossed!” as the slogan.  I can only assume that this means it has only recently found a home here across the border.  Doesn’t matter though because I’m raring to try it! 

   After tracking down my bottle opener  for this twist proof cap I am welcomed by a robust soda aroma wafting from the lip of the bottle.  It’s a stronger cola smell than Coke produces so hopefully we’re looking at a strong contender in the best cola category.  Time for some drinkin’.

   Very nice!  Just the right amount of carbonation and a great cola taste.  It’s not as strong or acidic feeling on the throat as Coke is but Jarritos Mexican Cola definitely gets the point across.  There’s something a little different with the cola flavor in this soda than in others and I can’t quite put my finger on it.  It’s almost as if they put more syrup in it than you would think they would be able to.  This doesn’t weigh down the beverage, in fact it’s almost like they made the cola flavor more efficient.  I could find a mathematical formula to represent this but that would be boring and very inaccurate.  Oh heck here’s  one anyway:

   It’s almost as if they condensed the cola flavoring so that you get more than you would think per sip.  Like I said… I can’t put my finger on it.  Cinnamon maybe?  I dunno.  The big question is, “Is it better than Coke/Pepsi/RC?”  The answer is yes.  Jarritos of course uses sugar so that already gives it a leg up on the competition.  With that said, and sugar aside, the flavor/mouth feel from Jarritos Mexican Cola is better than that of the big boys.  I would choose this every time over “Red” or “Blue”.  If you can get some Jarritos Mexican Cola in your area do so, in fact…

~A

Twist needs a Mexican brother named Disparar for cases like this

Colombiana

   Dan W. gave me this very exotically named drink that I will be reviewing today.  The name of the beverage at hand today is Colombiana, so I could be taking a trip to Mexico, Brazil, Chile, or so many other fanciful places.  Let’s see what the side of the can says.  Looks like that it was bottled by the find folks at Brooklyn Bottling of Milton, NY.  Oh, how very exotic!  This is defined on the can as a Kola Flavored Soda… which I can only assume is flavored like kola champagne (similar to cream soda).  The can is brightly colored with everyone’s favorite primary colors.  Accompanying the name of the soda are two phrases in Spanish.  “La que tomamos en casa”, which according to Google roughly translates into “The one you take home.”   The other phrase is “la nuestra”, which again according to Google translates into “ours”.   Sadly the ingredients aren’t nearly as interesting.  They are just a collection of chemicals that make up this sugary drink.  Alright, it’s time to stop reading… me, not you.  I’m going to stop reading the can while you continue to read this review. 

   Yup, this smells like Big Red/Cream Soda/Kola Champagne.  If Colombiana has half the following that Inca Kola does then I’m probably in for a barrage (2 people) of criticism.  Let’s take a sip shall we?

   While you might think of cream soda when you first try this, if you study it for just a moment you’ll find you’re just enough off base to be called out.  The flavor starts off like a lighter version of Big Red with the slightest of hints of tea.  The fizz Colombiana hits you with has more of a punch than a cream soda, and that sets it apart from your basic Kola Champagne.  What you’re left with after drinking this is a lighter version of the flavor you started with.  To put that into a more comprehendible sentence:  The aftertaste is true to the taste.  To be honest I liked this more than your typical kola champagne but it still tastes like your basic sugary drink to me.  There is nothing that truly sets Colombiana apart from the soda herd.  So, if you see a red, yellow, and blue can that catches your eye, then give it a go.  If not, then don’t go crazy looking for it.

~A

The eagle and Twist had a staring contest.  Do you need to even ask who won?