Soda ReviewsSoda Reviewshttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012-05-28T18:50:30ZSquarespaceUberMonster (Fan Review!)http://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/28/ubermonster-fan-review.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-28T18:44:00Z2012-05-28T18:44:00ZMonster Energy Drink has a tremendous amount of flavors on the market. Bigfoot is easier to find than a variety of said brand that tastes good, but that’s my opinion and I digress. While at my local purveyor of all things grocery I notice a bottle, and yes folks I do mean bottle, of the aforementioned Monster brand. Ubermonster Energy Brew is its name and it claims to be bio-activated and nonalcoholic. Why would they have to tell me its nonalcoholic? Either there are enough people out there who may get the wrong idea, or there is something about the production of this clearly highbrow beverage that may be indicative of an alcoholic content. So I look over the label and find what may be the answer. I have to relay what the label says in full here: “Uber from the German word meaning superior, above the norm or ultimate. UberMonster the ultimate energy brew from Monster. Produced using proprietary German brewing technology. We ‘borrowed’ a German brewing process which uses a special microbe to ferment malted barley. The resulting ‘Bio Activated’ energy brew has a clean, crisp, taste without the alcohol. No regular bottle could handle this evil energy brewski. So we designed our own with the chugger friendly wide mouth we could make. The big ass cap is a little hard pry off, but it’s sorta like if you can’t open it you shouldn’t be able to drink it!” That rambling description is lame, patronizing, and full of contradictions. It makes me hate this stuff already. But I make the purchase anyway and cart the fluid equivalent of a strait to DVD movie back to my house to do a review.
Back at my house I chill the bottle to a near freezing state. The bottle opener is procured and the “big ass” cap is removed. No discernible scent is present which is good so I take a gulp. While certainly better than any of the other monster product I’ve tried this stuff leaves something to be desired. It tastes like a sweet version of non-alcoholic beer, and I don’t mean that in a good way. So I take another gulp. The delicate taste is accentuated by some nuances that I can’t really put my finger on, but the sweetness more than overpowers anything else. Hey if I wanted this much sugar I would purchase cotton candy, not Monster. After about half the bottle is consumed I halt the review. I’ve had enough. After some reflection I finally realize what Ubermonster is lacking. Things like a decent taste, decent ingredients, no aftertaste, a credible label, a decent name, the list goes on. Hey Monster your Ubermonster Brew is garbage!
Final review: Do not buy! Folks, if you want something brewed that gives you energy try coffee or tea. Not the uber mess in a green bottle known as Ubermonster.
C.W.
]]>The Pop Shoppe Root Beer (Fan Review!)http://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/23/the-pop-shoppe-root-beer-fan-review.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-23T18:37:00Z2012-05-23T18:37:00ZClassic flavors abound in the soda world. So with that being said I was somewhat skeptical when I came across a brand of Root Beer I haven’t tried yet. The Pop Shoppe is the brand at hand and the red and white label looked inviting. I looked over the necessary information to see if anything jumped out at me. “Cane sugar” written in a unique font called to me from the front of the label and cemented the buy. So I dropped the necessary combination of dollars and cents on a polished counter and tucked my new found bottle away.
Back at the humble space I call home the already chilled bottle was opened with an old school bottle opener. Stock root beer scent wafted toward my nose holes and beckoned for me to take a large gulp, and gulp I did. Tremendous root beer flavor graced my taste buds like fine wine. Anther gulp ensued producing a fine symphony of amazing cane sugar sweetness combined with a taste uncommon to the root beer world. Angelic harps of yumminess played in concert as this beverage was consumed. The bottle was consumed leaving nothing but satisfaction and euphoria behind. The Pop Shoppe has captured lightning in a bottle and produced a soda almost unparalleled in taste and quality. Now all I need is another bottle of this amazing concoction!
Final review: Buy a pallet! If you are a fan of root beer, soda, or life then you will love The Pop Shoppe Root Beer.
C.W.
]]>Koma Unwind Sugar Freehttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/21/koma-unwind-sugar-free.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-21T22:44:07Z2012-05-21T22:44:07ZOk, so this review is going to be quick and dirty. Last week… I think… I reviewed Koma Unwind and was surprised at how delicious it was. Today we have the sugar free version and once again I’m skeptical. After thinking about it for a half a second it does seem to be a little self-defeating to have a “relaxation beverage” with sugar in it. Looking at the ingredients of the sugar free Koma Unwind I see that Sucralose is present, so maybe this will at least resemble the fantastic flavor of its sweetened brethren. Only one way to find out.
The smell is very similar, grape-tastic, so hopefully the taste won’t fall as flat as I’m expecting it to. Here’s something fun that will lengthen this section to paragraph length. Even though the can says “Sugar Free” throughout the design my brain continuously blurs it out. It’s hidden right in front of my face. There, that worked well enough. Drinkin’ time.
Aww, drinking Koma Unwind Sugar Free is somewhat sad. It’s like Koma Unwind died and after some time had passed my mouth is trying to remember what it tasted like. The first flavor Koma Unwind Sugar-Free presents me with tastes like Mr. Chemical made it straight from the chemicals he grew in his garden. Eventually you get a flavor that is reminiscent of Koma Unwind, but it just can’t shake the taste of its artificial sweetener. Is it still a drinkable beverage? Yes, but all the joy has been removed so I’m definitely not going to recommend it. Let me make up a fun “math-esque” formula for all you egg-heads to follow. Koma Unwind > Melatonin Pill > Ether > Koma Unwind Sugar Free. Before you go testing out that “formula” just know that I once scored a 12 on an Algebra II Final Exam.
Verdict – Buyer Beware!
~A
Even with someone as sweet as Twist near by it still needs sugar
]]>Virgil's Clementine (Fan Review!)http://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/16/virgils-clementine-fan-review.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-16T18:10:45Z2012-05-16T18:10:45ZClementine is the name of a variety of Virgil’s Soda I bought recently at a market stocked with a wide variety of gourmet sodas. I was out of town and had wandered into an upscale all natural market catering to organic and all natural tastes. The clear bottle containing brightly colored orange soda was quickly chilled back at my temporary abode. To be honest there are a few flavors in the beverage world that I don’t find palatable. Grape, apple, fruit punch, and orange round out the list. So I was faced with a potential problem. The Virgil's line of Soda far exceeds most I’ve drank in both quality and taste. But this one is orange flavor, clementine to be exact, a type of flavor I have all but sworn off. There is only one way to find out if this stuff will be an exemption or yet another win for the Virgil’s line.
So I open the top and take a long swig. A decent orange type taste greets my taste buds and is remarkably satisfying. So I take another swig and am met with similar results. The taste seems like it’s a mix of more than just orange so I scan the ingredients list to see exactly what this stuff is made from. Water, juices from apple, pear, grape and clementine populate the juice end of the list. It surprises me that so many flavors can be mixed together to form something so satisfying. So I take a few more swigs and finish off the bottle. I am happy with Virgil’s Clementine, now I can honestly say that I like at least one orange flavored soda!
Final review: Buy a six pack! Folks if you like oranges, juice, and soda you’ll love them combined in Virgil’s Clementine Soda. This stuff is like stardust mixed with awesome... for your mouth.
C.W.
]]>MASH Pomegranate Blueberryhttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/14/mash-pomegranate-blueberry.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-14T16:55:31Z2012-05-14T16:55:31ZOne final MASH beverage before the four-fecta is complete. I’ve worked up a powerful thirst cleaning the shower and what not, so hopefully this MASH Pomegranate Blueberry will help me rejuvenate. If you’ve read the previous three reviews on MASH, and if you have then congrats on being better than everyone else, you’d know that MASH drinks are very hit or miss. Enough chatter, I’m too thirsty to care.
Fortunately both scents are present in the aroma of MASH Pomegranate Blueberry. The blueberry does outshine its pom brethren just a bit, but one of them has to win the battle… right? DRINK ON! (I really wish I had two consistent catch phrases to lead from the 1st to 2nd paragraph and then the 2nd to 3rd paragraph… suggestions?)
Fizzy, fruity, but light enough to chug. MASH Pom-Blu (as I will now call it) is delightful right off the bat. The carbonation seems a little more intense than in other flavors, which is a nice change up. Both the pom and blu are very present and aren’t nearly as muted as previous MASH flavors. This particular version of MASH is what the other flavors should strive to be. I’m not sure if the particular flavors involved allow for a more robust taste, but it’s great no matter how you slice it. Even though I’m getting a double burst of fruit flavors the drink is still light enough to quench my thirst and doesn’t sit heavily in my mouth. Each sip still thrills me with the amount of fizz it contains, almost like it’s playfully shocking my tongue. If you were to take all the individual delights from this beverage from this drink and separate them you’d end up with an average soda, but combined they make a fantastic entry into the fruit soda genre… and low calorie to boot!
Verdict – Buy a Pack!
~A
]]>Koma Unwindhttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/11/koma-unwind.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-11T19:28:07Z2012-05-11T19:28:07ZWe air a show where I work called Chris Lafferty’s Motorsports TV. Now that’s not something you have to remember, except for Hannah’s corner… that’s fairly entertaining. The important thing about that show is that it is home to a fantastic commercial for the beverage up for review today, Koma Unwind. I don’t usually put a lot of multimedia in my reviews, but I must share this commercial with you.
Ok, now that you’ve (hopefully) watched it you should be able to see why I was drawn to Koma Unwind. This is obviously not a big budget commercial and honestly the first time I saw it I thought it was for wine in a can. Who knows, maybe this will taste like wine in a can. That would be unfortunate, but at least I would be understanding about it.
The enduring aspect of the commercial is that we’ve all been there. You open the door and you’re greeted by your two kids, your dog, a basketball and a skateboard. In fact this family has three skateboards which seems a bit overboard (pun intended) to me. You just want to relax, but alas there is no time because now you have to cook dinner. All you want to do is wind down over a hot stove, but your two daughters come calmly walking in with the dog on a leash. What can you do except over emphasize the fact that you don’t want them anywhere near you? You could scream, curse, throw up your hands and just walk away… or you could drink. That’s what is implied initially, that the average stressed out mother would go straight for the bottle.... AHA! Herein lies the twist (not the iguana). You push the bottle out of the way to reveal a room temperature can of Koma Unwind and you pour THAT into your chalice.
Then with dinner presumably cooking itself on the stove you wander into the living room and just relax. Your kids, dogs, and presumably their skateboards, have vanished. You no longer have a care in the world as you’re left with the slogan “RELAX NOW YOU CAN KOMA UNWIND”. So as you see the commercial is a little cheesy, but I enjoy that “local TV” aspect of advertising. “Wine in a can”, as I thought at the time, would be a fantastic review. So I asked the nice people at Koma Unwind if they wouldn’t mind sending a few cans out for review and they happily obliged.
Koma Unwind is indeed a relaxation beverage that includes the ingredient Melatonin. Melatonin, as you might know, is a key ingredient in sleep aides. This also has HFCS and Grape Juice concentrate in it. Now many of the “relaxation beverages” have names like Purple Stuff and Sippin’ Syrup. Here is where I must salute Koma Unwind for not trying to pander to the youth of (insert country here) by naming their beverage after an illegal substance. No, Koma Unwind took the high road and simply named their soda the two words that would describe what it intended to do to you. Sorry, I must correct myself. Koma Unwind is listed as a Chillaxation Drink on its own label. Fun fact, I made up the word “Chillax” close to 15 years ago; unless you’ve heard it prior to then you might as well believe that as well. Ok, I’ve rambled enough… it’s time for a taste.
The aroma the snapped out of this ice cold can (I didn’t want to try it at room temp) is that of a grape soda. No one should be surprised by this since the ingredients on the side of the can listed grape juice concentrate as an ingredient. I am taken a back a bit on how sweet it smells. I think it lists 31 grams of sugar, but I can’t really tell because the font is a bit fuzzy. Drinkin’ time!
Well that’s delightful. Koma Unwind tastes like liquid, carbonated, grape Nerds candy. The grape flavoring is just about perfect and the carbonation packs a bit of a punch as well. Well color me surprised. Koma Unwind is one of the better grape sodas, if it can fit that description, I’ve had to date. Yes I know that it’s full of chemicals, but if you know me then you know the more “fake” a grape soda is the more I’ll probably like it. For the most part each sip stands alone, meaning the flavor doesn’t build upon itself. The aftertaste I get from each gulp, and I am gulping this, is sweet and light. I think the carbonation level is what surprises me most. It’s not an intense tingling sensation, but I can feel the whispers of the bubbles in my mouth long after I’ve consumed the beverage. I think that Koma Unwind did a great job in making a relaxation beverage on multiple fronts. First and foremost the taste could be that of a “normal” grape soda. It’s fruity and fun, with good fizz to boot. Secondly, as I stated before, they didn’t give this drink a name associated with cough syrup. Finally they have an amusing commercial that I’ve seen over 40 times thanks to work. Now Koma Unwind isn’t the best relaxation drink we’ve ever reviewed. That honor would have to go to Mary Jane’s Relaxing Soda… yes, yes, I know, the name thing, but they get away with it for being truly different.
Verdict – Buy a Pack!
~A
Twist cannot get any more relaxed
]]>IZZE Sparkling Clementine (Fan Review!)http://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/9/izze-sparkling-clementine-fan-review.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-09T18:10:00Z2012-05-09T18:10:00Z
Sometimes I find a beverage on the supermarket shelf that appears different from any of the other drinks I have encountered. Izze Sparkling Clementine is just that beverage. A small 8 oz. can colored in bright orange informed me that it's contents are made from pure apple, white grape, orange, Clementine and acerola juice. Quite a list to be sure, and after reading whats inside I decide to purchase a can for myself. On the way to the register I read that this particular Izze product is made from 70% fruit juice and that the company producing Izze partners with a thing called the "Global Education Fund" which apparently helps to provide education for needy children around the globe. So far all the signs seem to point to the fact that I've made a decent choice, so I proceed home and deposit the slim can in the ice box to chill.
A cold can is now in hand and the top opened. A slight smell greets my nostrils, a smell which has slight orange overtones. So a sip is taken. A pronounced orange taste washes through my mouth like a deluge. The taste is decent, slightly tart and mixed with carbonation I look forward to the next tilt. So another gulp is sent home with similar results. The taste and carbonation remain constant. Impressed with what I've had so far I drink the remaining contents enjoying every sip along the way. My can of the Izzie Sparkling Clementine is now empty and I think I have found something I actually want to try again.
Final Review: Buy a six pack! Izze Sparkling Clementine is a decent version of a carbonated juice beverage and is worth a shot is you come across a can.
C.W.
]]>MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orangehttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/7/mash-ripe-mango-blood-orange.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-07T18:07:34Z2012-05-07T18:07:34ZI feel like writing a short review today, so just go with me on this one. MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orange is the third MASH drink up for review. The other two were pretty good, but not spectacular. MASH is pretty much two steps above fruity carbonated water. If this is anything like the other two flavors then one flavor will dominate as the other sits quietly in a corner. My guess is that the mango will play the role of the dom. Onward!
I seem to be on the right track thus far as the most noticeable aroma that escapes is… bum bada buuuum… the mango. I bet each of you 1,000th of a cent that the flavor will match the scent. Cent for scent… I’ve mildly amused myself.
Well I owe you a collective cent. While the mango jumps in at the end of this taste test, the blood orange is featured first. This marks the first time the two flavors have both been represented equally, but I’m not overly thrilled with it. For whatever reason the two flavors clash a bit with my tongue. Instead of a fresh citrus flavor it’s somewhat bitter. Maybe I got a bad batch or something, but this isn’t my style. The bitterness sits there throughout not allowing me to fully enjoy either of the two flavors I normally would. With that said it also takes away how refreshing the drink should be, which is sad since the previous two drinks were quenchers of thirst. MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orange is very…yeah.
]]>Guru Energy Drink 2.0 (Fan Review!)http://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/5/2/guru-energy-drink-20-fan-review.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-05-02T18:10:55Z2012-05-02T18:10:55ZSequels are typically a less than stellar follow-up of an original product. So with that being said, I displayed some hesitation when I came across Guru 2.0. What is Guru 2.0? Well it’s an organic and 100% natural energy drink. The ingredients include Guarana, Ginko Biloba, and evaporated cane juice used for sweetener. Several other ingredients populate the list but I think the ones listed paint a decent picture of what comprises this mystery juice. As a side note the label informs me that pregnant women and people sensitive to caffeine should stay away. Just for a moment I wonder what would happen to a pregnant woman if she drank this stuff. I decided not to think about it for too long because I think I want to drink this stuff. So, I make the purchase.
I open the top and a somewhat sickly smell greets my nostrils. The best way I can describe the smell is that it most closely resembles bubble gum. That fact doesn’t bother me too much so I take a swig. A light taste combined with light carbonation washes through my mouth like a tidal wave. I take another swig. Not bad, the slight bubble gum taste is muted and decent. I finish the can and decide this can was worth the money. I can’t say that it was way awesome, or wicked yummy, but I can say that this stuff was a pleasant surprise. Guess I can chalk Guru 2.0 as a decent sequel to the original.
Final review: Buy a bottle! Guru 2.0 with all natural ingredients and a decent taste it is a reliable energy drink that far exceeds much of what’s on the market.
C.W.
]]>Virgil's Clementinehttp://www.thesodajerks.net/soda-reviews/2012/4/30/virgils-clementine.htmlThe Soda Jerks2012-04-30T18:10:48Z2012-04-30T18:10:48ZThe review you’re about to read is an act of pure selfishness. A few weeks back C.W. (popular fan reviewer) sent me a review for Virgil’s Clementine and I was jealous. “I can get you a bottle,” he kindly offered… which of course I was thrilled to accept. When it came time to post his Virgil’s Clementine review I balked and used one of the other fan reviews I have stored up in my storage facility. I just couldn’t bring myself to read his review and have the Virgil’s Clementine experience ruined, not in even the tiniest of ways. So now I sit here about to review Virgil’s Clementine while C.W. review sits in the fireproof vault I keep the other fan reviews. The bottle sits atop my desk looking so very fresh and vibrant. The bottle art is just a clementine sliced in half, but it looks good enough to eat. I saved this out of envy and now I must hope that same envy doesn’t change what could be a magical experience.
The clementine aroma escapes, but has more in common with airport orange juice than with the freshly squeezed citrus. Is this the jealousy rearing its ugly head, not allowing me to enjoy this beverage to the fullest? Only one way to find out.
The carbonation slams against the back of my tongue, creating a stage for the following fruit juices to dance upon. Sadly I can taste a hefty amount of apple and pear (two of the listed ingredients) more than I can the sweet clementines I expected. To me Virgil’s Clementine almost tastes like an apple juice/orange juice hybrid. This is truly a soda that allows you to compare apples to oranges in a single sip. In the early stages of each gulp I’m greeted with a flavor that reminds me of fermented fruit. I’m fully aware that this drink isn’t fermented at all, but the flavor still exists and takes away from my experience. I thought this would taste a bit smoother and sweeter than what I’m currently experiencing. That may be a problem I’m creating for myself though as I may want the flavor of clementine candy, but instead get the real thing in liquid form. As always the ingredients listed are top notch and that should be rewarded, but today taste rules. As amazing as it should be Virgil’s Clementine is just “alright” for me. Now maybe that’s the curse of betraying a fellow soda reviewer, but until can prove that I’ll just have to stick by my guns.
