Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda

Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda

I’m not going to hem and haw all that much here.  I’m about to drink a Ranch Dressing Soda by Lester’s Fixins.  With a surprisingly short ingredient list of Carbonated Water, Sugar, Sodium Benzoate, gum acacia, natural flavor, and ester gum, I’m a little impressed/concerned.  Let’s just get to it.

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Onli Grapefruit Pomelo and Peach

So earlier in the week I tried my second Onli beverage and it was pretty dang terrible.  Today I have another Onli beverage and I don’t know what one of the ingredients is.  The flavor of the day is Onli Grapefruit (yes) Pomelo (what?) and Peach (yes).  What’s a pomelo?  Let’s consult the internet.  Citrus Maxima is the scientific name and I like that a lot.  Pomelo is also a word used for grapefruit in some cases, but that would make the label redundant so I’m assuming that’s not what’s happening here.

Clearly he hasn't tasted it.

I’d look at the ingredients but someone removed the ingredient label so I’m going to assume that since it only has 15 calories that there is some non-sugar, but all natural, sweetener at work here.   Probably Erythritol, assuming I spelled that correctly.

In the “Good News” category this smells like a grapefruit soda and I like those.  So we’re two for two in good things now.  Good thing number 1 was “Citrus Maxima” for those who don’t like to re-read things.

This just in from the guy sitting one table over, we’ll call him Buttons.  Buttons says that pomelo is an original citrus fruit that many current fruits came from.  Pomelo + Mandarin = Grapefruit / Common Oranges.

Wow that’s an insanely bitter soda.  I keep trying it to parse out all the flavors, and each time a guttural noise comes out of my face.  The grapefruit is apparent in taste and I can only assume the Pomelo is too.  Peach on the other hand is represented as more of a theory.  It’s the essence of peach really.  You see it on the label so your brain tells you the aroma should be there… so it is.

Once again I don’t want to drink anymore of this soda.  It’s a deceptively pretty soda that lures you in with an artistic picture of citrus fruit… then reality sets in.

Verdict - Do Not Buy


This was purchased at an HEB Grocery Store


Onli Green Tea Lemongrass Mango

Green tea needs to be in waaaaaay more sodas.  Thankfully today I have one in front of me called Onli Green Tea Lemongrass Mango.  Onli makes lightly flavored sodas that taste the way sparkling water should… of course I’m basing that on one soda.  They are “Sparkling & All Natural”, sugar free (sweetened with Erythritol), and in this case has some Monk Fruit Extract in it.  So that begs the question, how does a 5 calorie soda taste when sugar is removed from the equation?

At least they used Green Tea

That smells like a bag of nickles, I’m no longer excited to drink this.  With a strong whiff I do get some of the mango and green tea aroma, but it’s not powerful enough to sway my worries.

Nope.  Nope.  One more sip.  Nope.  That tastes like a bag of nickels with a little bit of green tea and mango flavor as well.  

Each sip ends with a painful wince because of how bitter the soda is.  The initial taste is lightly sweetened, fruity, and enjoyable.  Sadly, it almost immediately transitions into a metallic taste which then performs a ritual and summons the devil upon your tongue.  The devil then dances a merry jig upon your taste buds (this creates a bitter taste for those down on their lore) and vanishes from your mouth.  

I don’t want to drink this anymore so I’m going to stop and leave nearly three quarters of this soda unconsumed.  I will say that the light mango taste is enjoyable for less than a second… you know, just so I don’t leave this on a bad note.

Verdict - Do Not Buy


I purchased this soda at an HEB Grocery Store