My bottle has a brain on it and it’s called Brainalizer.  That sounds like a electronic game from the 90’s… the 1990’s for those hundreds of years in the future finding this blog.  Brainalizer is a carbonated herbal beverage and has this to say:

These twelve liquid ounces were designed to get you up off your butt and make you think about where you are in your life and where you’re going.

So Brainalizer is your mom apparently.  Your mom is sweetened with honey and fruit juice concentrate.  Sick burn.

Other ingredients include natural flavors (vague) essential citrus oils (much less vague), American AND Siberian Ginseng (very specific), and a whole lotta other natural stuff.  There is also a stamp on the bottle that says “Your brain on sod”.  I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to say “Your brain on soda”, but picturing the former is much funnier.

After cracking the brain stamped bottle cap off the top I get a scent I can only describe as “recently cleaned public restroom”.  It’s not a bad aroma, just not one I’d regularly associate with a soda.  The taste will probably not resonate with me in the same way, although that’s mostly wishful thinking.

Good news!  It doesn’t taste like recently cleaned bathroom.  Bad news!  I’m not really sure I like this yet.

First the good.  Brainalizer has a nice mouth-feel.  The carbonation levels are enjoyably high and the soda itself burns the throat a little.  While not overly sweet there is enough honey and fruit juice in there to keep the multitude of ingredients under control.  

Now the bad.  Brainalizer starts and finishes with that cardboard sensation I get from some beverages.  This could just be something specific to my tastebuds, but they’re kind of the rulers of this kingdom right now.  

Along with that cardboard taste the beverage seems watery.  For being full of all kinds of ingredients it easily compares to a weak Jamaican ginger ale.  That’s not a bad beverage by any means, but I was expecting more from it. 

There are far worse sodas out there, but I just don’t see myself purchasing this again.  The best thing about Brainalizer is the name and the bottle art which I’m sure isn’t what they were hoping for.

Verdict - Buy a Bottle


This soda was purchased at the Shell Gas Station below.