Soda Reviews

Xenergy Cran Razz (Fan Review!)

Those familiar with the UFC know that Xenergy Energy Drink is an official sponsor. For those that aren't familiar with the UFC, Xenergy's logo is usually placed in a prominent position in the center of the fighting surface for all to see during most events. As a casual fan of the octagon I decided a review was in order.  Today's flavor, Cran Razz.  A sleazy corner service station awkwardly named "Speedo" provided an already cold can, cold enough to jump into the review. 

As I scan the label a short tally of things wrong begins to take shape, and I believe it salient to relate the highlights now.  First, the official logo of the UFC is displayed prominently on the front of the can. This type of synergistic cross promotion is typically used to mask inferior products in my opinion.  I also find the logo placement somewhat pandering, as are the words "PREMIUM ENERGY DRINK."  Folks, any product that has to tell me it is premium, and is subsequently sold at seedy corner gas stations, probably isn't, although I guess the brown paper bag the clerk offered me was a clue.  Third, the back of the can has an all too common warning to stay away if I'm pregnant or a child.  It also says too much caffeine can cause irritability, nervousness, and sleeplessness.  These side effects remind me of commercials for medication that promise the world, but then explain the horrible side effects which can occur after use.  Fourth, the label proclaims Xenergy is fueled by "Xyience, xtreme science for your active lifestyle."  I think the flawed nature of that particular part if the label speaks for itself.  Fifth, the name of the flavor is Cran Razz.  Really? Creatively spelling words doesn't increase credibility in my book, it just makes the people who do it look stoopid. 

I decide to skip the ingredients list and proceed directly to consumption, as I am expecting the canned version of a calamity.  The can is opened swiftly and contents delivered to nervous taste buds.  Cran Razz is the flavor, and a combination cranberry and raspberry taste is delivered.  The taste isn't disgustingly phony as I expected.  But it clearly has loads of ingredients I am not familiar with, nor do I like.  To put it directly, Xenergy Cran Razz is mediocre.  A better way of describing this splash of yuck-sauce isn't possible.  Why this product is so heavily cross promoted has now become crystal clear.  So just a few sips into the first round, I tap out from my Xenergy experience knowing I'm the true victor.  Xorry Xenergy! I would have to be crazy to drink you again.  I knew I should have stayed away from Speedo.

Final Review:  Buyer beware! Folks I can't tell you not to buy this stuff, just bear in mind that this stuff is the heavy weight champ of gut rotting back wash, and like an unfortunate experience with an unscrupulous tow truck driver; it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

C.W.

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