Monster Energy Drink Assault (Fan Review!)

   Energy drinks are a dime a dozen these days.  One could easily say that the beverage market is over-saturated with drinks claiming to revitalize the body and help boost performance.  So having said that, I noticed a beverage doing the only thing left for energy drinks brands to do, package their product in a way that communicates uniqueness. That drink is Monster Energy Drink Assault.

   Cheesy and lame is the only way I can describe the labeling.  A black and gray pixelated camouflage can with red lettering inform me of what is in store.  Plus, a long list of ingredients greets my eye as I scan the label. In addition, what seems to be an all too common admonition instructs me to stay away if I am pregnant, a child, or sensitive to caffeine.  Located on the back of the Can is a meandering treatise extolling the virtue of declaring war on the ordinary by grabbing a Monster Energy Drink Assault.  The label also explains that Monster is neither for nor against armed conflict, it just wants to fight the large multi-national companies that dominate the beverage industry.  I then am instructed to "Viva La Revolution!" At this point I feel a tinge of disappointment that I have actually contributed a small amount of money to this Monster, but as a loyal citizen of the CarboNation I weather through to complete the review.

   What comes next is a mere formality.  I pop the top and smell an overpowering combination of bubble gum and cheap red flavored Kool-Aid waft through the air. (Yes folks red is in fact a real flavor of Kool-Aid.)  The experience went downhill from there, fast.  The taste is a cross between stale cherry and horrible sweetness.  The after-taste resembles something one might experience after drinking a generic brand of cough syrup bought from a shady drug store.  I perhaps have drank about ten sips, and that is nine too many.  THIS STUFF IS HORRIBLE, and yes the caps lock was intentional. 

Final review:  Buyer beware!  Folks I can't tell you not to buy this product, just remember this stuff is nothing but chilled suck sauce, and I don't mean that in a good way. 

C.W.

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