Vita Malt Plus (Fan Review!)

  A bottle was given to me for review by The SodaJerks, but with a strong admonishment.  I was forewarned that the beverage at hand had a taste that left a cavernous gulf between expectation and actuality.  With that in mind I tucked away Vita Malt Plus and awaited the time when I could undertake a thorough review. 

   After cooling Vita Malt Plus to a near frozen state I decide to study its label to see if any context clues could prepare me for the looming deluge of bad taste.  The front label boldly proclaims that Vita Malt Plus has Ginseng, Royal Jelly, and Aloe Vera as key ingredients.  I immediately wonder what Royal Jelly is, and consider whether it is something that I am comfortable consuming.  As a loyal member of the SodaJerks Nation I decide that I'll take the risk if it means a good review.  Also of note is the fact that the front label states that the beverage is an alcohol free malt beverage.  That information is provided in three languages.  English, Spanish, and what appears to French.  That disclaimer puzzles me.  Why is it so important for me to know that this drink is alcohol free?  Are there really people who are confused as to whether this is something that can make one drunk?  These questions only serve to expand the dark cloud hovering above this experience. 

   A quick scan of the back label had the requisite nutritional information, but also has a list of the ingredients.  One of the ingredients is carbon dioxide.  Folks, a byproduct of cellular respiration is a strange ingredient for a drink, and after reading that piece of information I begin to wonder if this drink will cause me any ill effects.  The dark cloud expands further.  The other ingredients include copious amounts of sugar, barley, and malt.

   So, I open the bottle quickly and gulp the beverage down, just to get it over with. The taste that follows can only be described as offensive.  To be fair I drink a few more gulps to see if I've misjudged, or somehow got a batch of a few bad ounces.  No and no again, it just tastes disgusting.  The dark cloud has burst.  So with half a bottle of chilled suck sauce consumed I gladly leave it behind like filthy rest stop.   

Final review:  Do not buy.  Folks, Vita Malt Plus is not good for you, me, or humanity as a whole.  The horrid taste combined with questionable ingredients makes this beast almost singular in nature.  I think you can get 5 cents somewhere for the bottle if you choose to recycle it.  That must be the only plus this drink has to offer.   


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I wanted to write something witty here but the picture does more justice than I ever could with a caption.