So last year we decided to do a little “April Fools” thing and review something silly. It wasn’t a joke in the sense that it was a fake review, we actually reviewed something, however what we reviewed was ridiculous. Last year, it was Tab, the king of diet drinks and also somewhat of a joke now.
Well, this year’s drink goes in the category of “oh, the things we do for you readers.” Yeah, that’s a long title for a category. Anyway, thanks to a co-worker, we bring you what is technically a soda: Extenze.
You may have seen Extenze on TV. In fact, it’s almost a guarantee. If you don’t know what it is, you can look it up for details, but here’s the quick version: it’s a male enhancement product. Normally it’s sold in pill form, but why take one tiny pill when you can drink 8oz of carbonated liquid?
Maybe it tastes good. All I know about the taste is that, according to one of the past infomercials, it does not taste like lighter fuel. That’s always a positive.
By the way, being a product that you should use at, you know…a certain time, you’d figure it’d give you some instructions on what time frame to use it. Nope.
The ingredient list is crazy. Here are some highlights: HFCS, diarginine malata, GABA, betaine, rhodiola, panax ginseng, maca, yohimbe HCL. You get the point…weird stuff. It’s summed up as “male performance blend” on the ingredients. 1700mg of "male performance blend" per 8oz serving. Here we go…
First of all it smells like Mello Yello (quite right) but appears to be clear. Maybe it’s more lemon limey then. At least this gets me a little positive about the drink. The first sip is decent, it is like Mello Yello/Mountain Dew/off brand similar product.
Then the aftertaste kicks in. I can’t identify what it is exactly, not like a typical energy drink aftertaste. The scary part is I have to keep drinking this to figure out what the aftertaste is, and I’m drinking way more than what I planned to.
The aftertaste isn’t as bad now. It's just something that's there that's not necessarily awful, but unidentifiable. I will say this is very carbonated, only a few sips in and I’m already belching. Nothing more romantic than burps.
Someone, I’ll say Dan W., said it’d be great if it tasted like something that you could trick somebody into drinking this, and honestly you probably could. Of course we here at TSJ do not condone that, but it is April Fools.
So we’ll leave it at that. I’d love to stick around and tell you if anything else happens but I’ll leave that to another site. We just review flavors here.
Verdict: Buy a …
Addendum: So I almost gave this a verdict of “Buy a bottle.” Again, just for flavor. But after the left side of my head went numb for about fifteen minutes, and I could feel my blood rushing through me, particularly in my back (and, uh, nowhere else), I’m going with …
Verdict: Buyer Beware!