Vacation in a Bottle - Mango Lime (Fan Review!)

   It beckons from                  its assigned perch like a siren calling out to a lonely                  sailor on a moonlit night.  A beach                  front emblazoned label entices and boldly                  informs that a promising encounter awaits, if                  I dare to claim it. 

   So,                  with apprehensive determination, the beverage                  is procured and transported to my abode for a thorough                  review.  Vacation In a Bottle, or VIB as it is                  named on its picturesque label, is described to me as the                  Happy Relaxation Drink.  Questions quickly enter my                  mind.  Is there such thing as an unhappy relaxation                  drink?  What happens if I drink this and then become                  depressed?  Can happiness from a bottle be                  truly fulfilling? With those questions muted,                  I scan the label for more information about what's behind                  this proverbial curtain.  A rhyming prose is written on                  the back of the bottle and extols the virtue of VIB.                  Titled VIB'n be Happy, I am instructed to "unbottle the                  beach party, island style," and informed                  that this product will "take my mind and body                  to a perfect paradise."  Lofty promises                  indeed.  That statement does remind me of                  something I might hear at a pre-owned automotive outlet. 

   So the cap is                  now removed and a mild mango-lime scent greets me.  The                  smell is neither strong nor completely undetectable... a                  decent start.  The first few sips reveal a subtle lime                  taste with hints of mango.  The carbonation                  is noticeable, but not overpowering.  A                  peculiar metallic aftertaste is left on my tongue, strange                  because this came in a plastic bottle.  A few more gulps                  and I have found that this drink is not as offensive as I                  thought it would be.  My own personal bias, which is                  important for me to reveal here, is that I am an avid                  fan of lime flavor, real lime flavor to be exact.                   The lime flavor in this drink is clearly artificial                  though, which cheapens the experience in my                  eyes.  However, the synthetic lime taste isn't bad, but                  it isn't good either.  The lime flavor becomes more                  distasteful sip by sip, and I now see that the                  after-taste from this beverage is most similar what one                  would get from a Dollar Store knock-off brand of                  lime-aid.  With few up-sides to this drink so                  far, I decide to continue the review for the sake                  of fairness. 

   I am not                  relaxed, nor am I happy.  The lime taste has                  become loathsome and I wonder how it can be that such a                  terrific label can mask such a mundane drink.  With only                  backwash left I chalk this beverage up to the done                  column.  This review would be lacking if I didn't tell                  you that I have not been taken to a perfect paradise or                  anything close to that.  I remain in my drab, roach                  infested living space, just as before, but with a few                  less dollars and an empty plastic bottle in front of me.

Final                  review:  Buyer Beware.  My opinion, if you want to                  take a vacation in a bottle please visit you local                  purveyor of fermented spirits or your                  favorite ale house, and                  not VIB.  

-CW

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It would take quite the vacation to remove you from white stucco walls and Venetian blinds.