It beckons from its assigned perch like a siren calling out to a lonely sailor on a moonlit night. A beach front emblazoned label entices and boldly informs that a promising encounter awaits, if I dare to claim it.
So, with apprehensive determination, the beverage is procured and transported to my abode for a thorough review. Vacation In a Bottle, or VIB as it is named on its picturesque label, is described to me as the Happy Relaxation Drink. Questions quickly enter my mind. Is there such thing as an unhappy relaxation drink? What happens if I drink this and then become depressed? Can happiness from a bottle be truly fulfilling? With those questions muted, I scan the label for more information about what's behind this proverbial curtain. A rhyming prose is written on the back of the bottle and extols the virtue of VIB. Titled VIB'n be Happy, I am instructed to "unbottle the beach party, island style," and informed that this product will "take my mind and body to a perfect paradise." Lofty promises indeed. That statement does remind me of something I might hear at a pre-owned automotive outlet.
So the cap is now removed and a mild mango-lime scent greets me. The smell is neither strong nor completely undetectable... a decent start. The first few sips reveal a subtle lime taste with hints of mango. The carbonation is noticeable, but not overpowering. A peculiar metallic aftertaste is left on my tongue, strange because this came in a plastic bottle. A few more gulps and I have found that this drink is not as offensive as I thought it would be. My own personal bias, which is important for me to reveal here, is that I am an avid fan of lime flavor, real lime flavor to be exact. The lime flavor in this drink is clearly artificial though, which cheapens the experience in my eyes. However, the synthetic lime taste isn't bad, but it isn't good either. The lime flavor becomes more distasteful sip by sip, and I now see that the after-taste from this beverage is most similar what one would get from a Dollar Store knock-off brand of lime-aid. With few up-sides to this drink so far, I decide to continue the review for the sake of fairness.
I am not relaxed, nor am I happy. The lime taste has become loathsome and I wonder how it can be that such a terrific label can mask such a mundane drink. With only backwash left I chalk this beverage up to the done column. This review would be lacking if I didn't tell you that I have not been taken to a perfect paradise or anything close to that. I remain in my drab, roach infested living space, just as before, but with a few less dollars and an empty plastic bottle in front of me.
Final review: Buyer Beware. My opinion, if you want to take a vacation in a bottle please visit you local purveyor of fermented spirits or your favorite ale house, and not VIB.
It would take quite the vacation to remove you from white stucco walls and Venetian blinds.