Soda Reviews

Spike Shooter (Fan Review!)

   On a Friday night after a few hours about town I made a necessary stop to feed a hungry gas tank in the early morning hours.  At the well-lit beverage cooler in the back of this bustling all-night gas station, a strange concoction in the energy drink section revealed itself.  "Spike Shooter Hard Core Energy" found my eye from its knee level perch.  Upon a closer examination of the front label I found a note written in bold red lettering which admonished: "Warning never exceed one can a day, read entire label before drinking."  So with my instructions in mind I search the remainder of the can for the completion of the story.  On the back of the label boxed in a red outline was the referenced warning, a warning which I feel is worth copying verbatim, So here goes:  "Warning:  DO NOT USE IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 OR ELDERLY.  DO NOT TAKE WITH ANY OTHER STIMULANT WEIGHT-LOSS SUPPLEMENT OR ANY PRESCRIPTION OR OVER-THE-COUNTER MEDICINE.  Do not use if you are pregnant or nursing or at risk of being treated for high-blood pressure, heart disease, hyperthyroidism, psychiatric disease, suffer from migraines, have asthma, or are taking asthma medication.  Discontinue use if you experience dizziness, headache, nausea, or heart palpitations.  If you have trouble sleeping, do not take within 6 hours of bedtime.  KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN."  That was it word for word folk! I did not add the capital lettering, that's just how it was written.

   So with the above mentioned disclaimer in mind I was faced with a decision.  Listen to my common sense which is telling me to stop immediately and put the can down, or move forward and contribute a worthy Sodajerks review. Yeah, I'll do the review. So at this point I felt the need to inject some safety measures for my own good.  I chose to sit on a bench in the common area of my apartments, and have my health insurance card and cell phone sitting close by in plain view, just in case.      

   Okay, now we have an open can and then a sickly sweet smell greets me.  The olfactory sensation alone is enough to stop this review, but I am determined to drink a little at least. The first sip reveals a taste that most resembles stale Big Red infused with red Kool-Aid, but in a bad way.  I question the necessity of any further consumption, but I steel my resolve to complete half of this can come what may.  A few more gulps reinforce just how bad the taste of this really is, plus the ultra-high sweetness and sugar content seem to act like a high potency glue in my esophagus.  Folks I do feel a little jittery, it might be the nerves of sitting on a bench on the middle of the night, or it could be this beverage.  Either way I'll say to this beverage the same thing Roberto Duran elegantly stated in a fight many years ago, "No mas." 

Review:  Buyer Beware.  Folks I can’t tell you not to purchase a can of this, but I implore you to seriously consider an alternative. 

~C.W.

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Twist was going to appear in this picture but felt the drink would bring down his street cred.