Soda Reviews

Honest Fizz - Professor Fizz

I have returned from my long break and I’m sure the rumors about my departure were just starting to run rampant.  Had I gone off the deep end, sold my Soda Jerk stock and purchased a yacht?  Perhaps I gave up soda drinking and was living in a little cave with only the essentials.  Maybe I was prepping for Game of Thrones Season 4 to start.  I’m not sure we’ll ever figure out what I was up to, but I’m sure it’s a tale for the police.

Today’s review comes from the folks at Honest Tea.  They make a soda called Honest Fizz that comes in four (hopefully) fantastic flavors.  Honest Fizz is a zero calorie soda that’s naturally sweetened with stevia.  Here’s their ingredient list for those interested.  You know there won’t be a lot of ingredients because I’d be too lazy to type them.  Anywho, here they are:  Carbonated Water, Erythritol, Organic Caramel Color, Natural Flavors, Stevia Leaf Extract, Citric Acid, and Caffeine.  For those who don’t know what Erythritol is, it’s a sugar that’s sometimes found in fruit and fermented food.  I don’t know if Honest Fizz’s is from fruit or from a lab, either way it’s in there.

What I’ve chosen today is called Professor Fizz.  Honestly I don’t really know what flavor Professor Fizz is as the label has what looks to be a cherry on it, but the description on the back reads like this may have Dr Pepper similarity.  You be the judge.

“Professor Fizz has a Ph.D. in taste, and one sip will tell you why.  There’s no way to describe this unique, all-natural spiced cherry flavor, other than to say it’s a definite A+.”

Fun Fact:  Twist was known as Professor Fizz when he taught school in the 1800's.

So I counted a total of two puns in there.  I’m ok with puns… the lip of the can says “So-da-lightful”…I’m no longer comfortable with this many puns/plays on words.  Now that I’ve written my longest intro yet, lets me get to actually reviewing.

Judging by the smell of Professor Fizz I’m going to say they’re going for the Dr Pepper experience in this soda.  To back up my theory, the color is brown with a light red hue.  Scent-wise they’re doing a pretty good job matching it though.  Should be interesting to see how the taste stacks up.

Curse you stevia.  The first third of my sip tastes like Diet Dr Pepper.  The cherry/cola/root beer taste is there.  It’s sweet, it’s light, and it’s enjoyable.  The carbonation brushes gently across my tongue in a playful way.  I want to take another sip, but then the first third of my sip ends abruptly.  The second third of my sip begins to taste like Diet Dr.  The sweetness is turning into a somewhat bitter chemical sensation.  The cherry/cola/root beer flavor is fading quickly and the overall makeup of the soda is deteriorating.  By the time I’m in the home stretch it’s a bitter liquid that doesn’t even resemble what it sought out to be like so many of us out there.

You leave home at 18 to go out into the world with so many ideas.  You have your flaws, but you still feel unstoppable.  As time marches on you gain a more realistic view.  Bills, work, and booze infiltrate your life.  You black out.  Now you sit hunched over a computer writing soda reviews for the masses.  Three meals a day are passed to you through the bars of your “office”.  You tell them you have a peanut allergy, but they keep putting them on the brownies to spite you.  Your boss comes in every hour on the hour to make sure you’re still cranking them out.  Finally one day you find a way to escape. 

A speck of sunlight is seen at the end of the long hall.  You make a break for it.  For over a month you’re out in the world again, feeling light and airy.  A few weeks later you check the site and see that some other schmuck has posted a review.  Relief passes over your body as you figure the search for you is all but over.  You go to your family’s house to spend Easter Sunday with them, but that’s where they get you.  Before you can ring the doorbell the men in blue gag you and bring you back to your computer so that you can write more reviews.

That “fictional tale” is what Professor Fizz’s journey seems like.  It started off with such hope and promise, but the speed in which it deconstructed into a bitter beverage with a stevia aftertaste is astounding.  I know they want to have a zero calorie soda and I don’t fault them for that.  If they want to have an improved flavor then they need to cut the stevia with some sugar.  Just do half and half to see what it tastes like.  It’ll still be pretty low in calorie and you might have a wider appeal.  What do I know though?  I don’t make soda; I just sit here in my office eating brownies all day.

Verdict – Buyer Beware

~A

This soda supplied to us by Honest Fizz

Crush Peach

crushpeach.jpg

How did we not review Crush Peach? Have we finally reached the point that something fairly common on grocery store shelves isn't good enough for us? Probably not. Honestly it's so common at this point I thought we already did it.

I got Crush Peach the other night, again, thinking I was the one of us that did not have it yet, however was wrong. Now that you know the riveting back story on this, allow me to cut to the chase: this is the best peach soda I've had.

Orange Crush is my favorite (chemical filled) orange soda, so I only expected the best from this, and it delivered. For some reason, despite Orange Crush's mild carbonation, I was worried that this would have heavier bubbles. That seems to be a trend with peach sodas, or at least my memory is telling me that. Thankfully this has mild carbonation like orange crush.

Of course there is really no way for me to tell since I've already had it, however I think that if you were someone really into soda (or at least really into Orange Crush) you'd actually be able to tell this was a Crush soda. There's just something about the combination of sweetness levels, the slight "tang" in the flavor, and as mentioned the carbonation, that makes me think of Crush. 

So, yeah, it's great. Peach soda was kind of a novelty to me before, since there really wasn't a good go-to for me. Now with Crush Peach, this becomes as normal a flavor choice as an orange soda.

Verdict - Buy a Pallet

- Mike E.

Heads up!

Howdy,

I'm alive, I have sodas to review, I'll get em done soon.  That's pretty much the state of things right now.  This is what happens when you're the primary writer for your site and life gets busy.  Thanks for being understanding.  Good thing we have 500+ reviews for you to read in case you become bored in this process.

~A

Kazouza Watermelon

I ate some insane hot sauce today, 357 Mad Dog if you’re curious.  It was a rather painful experience, but I knew I had a soda review that needed to be written as well.  Sadly I had to wait until the hot sauce heat had worn off because I didn’t want to grant extra points for relieving pain.  So here we are, me a little bit smarter and you waiting for a review.  Today’s soda was purchased by you with your donations, I thank you.  What you bought me was Kazouza Watermelon Soda.  Checking out the ingredients I see this was made in Lebanon and contains 5% juice.  It also contains the “Esters of Wood Rosins”, so I got that to look forward to.  Let’s just get to it.

Watermelon scent slyly finds its way out of the bottle, hardly noticeable unless you’re looking for it.  There’s something off putting about the aroma as well, sort of a sickly scent.  I’m hoping that doesn’t translate its way into the taste.

Watermelon was the first currency used among iguanas.  Twist at one point controlled 6% of all watermelons. 

There is a light fizz to this refreshing watermelon soda.  It’s a fairly natural taste with a differing sweetness than you’d find in an actual fruit.  Watermelons are actually nauseating to me due to their cloyingly sweet taste, yet Kazouza Watermelon allows me to enjoy watermelon flavor without wanting to retch. 

Helping keep the soda from clinging to my teeth is the cane sugar it’s sweetened with.  While I do end up with some aftertaste I’m primarily given a clean finish with each sip.  It may take a few extra seconds, but ultimately the taste vanishes allowing for a soda that doesn’t built upon itself and overpower.

Kazouza Watermelon is alright.  I’m not going to run out and buy a ton of it because, as stated before, I don’t like watermelon.  If you like the taste of watermelon then I think you’d enjoy this soda.  Unfortunately for Kazouza my dislike of watermelon is going to come through in the rating of this soda.  Just keep that in mind, will you?

Verdict – Buy a Bottle

This soda was supplied to us by YOU!  Your donations allowed for us to purchase this for review. Thank you!

Route 66 Lime Soda

You can either read 500 something reviews or this next sentence to catch up.  I like lime soda.  So when I was presented the funds (from you) to buy my own sodas of course I picked a lime flavored one.  Route 66 Lime Soda to be exact.  The bottle even says “Chosen by Soda jerks Every Time”.  If that’s not some sort of sign I don’t know what is.  The ingredient list is mostly chemical, but this is sweetened with “real” cane sugar so it has that going for it.  Above the ingredients is what I assume to be a “stopping point” on Route 66.  Today’s stopping point is the Chain of Rocks Bridge.  It’s over 5353 feet long and was constructed in 1929.  I’d tell you more about it, but I don’t want to spoil the ending.  What I do want to do is taste this anti-freeze green soda.

Route 66 Lime Soda smells of lime candy with a hint of cleaning product.  Preferably it will taste like lime candy and the cleaning product aroma will just add a needed kick to the mouth feel.  Bottoms up!

There’s more of a bitter taste to this soda than I anticipated.  Needless to say it cuts down on the potential to be candy sweet, but in doing so keeps the flavor more in the natural realm.  With that said, this is definitely not lime juice soda.  The sugar just takes a moment to get up and running before it can chase the mild bitterness away.  A bit of a syrupy texture is left on my teeth as I continue to consume this soda.  It’s not all that bothersome, but I’d rather do without it.  All in all I’m finding Route 66 Lime Soda to be rather average.  It tastes alright, but even as a lime lover I’d rather an average [insert fruit here] soda over this one. 

Caught somewhere between trying to be candy and trying to taste like lime, Route 66 Lime Soda just ends up being forgettably good.  If you just want a lime soda and you see this, then grab a bottle.  If you want a fruit flavored soda then just go for what looks best in your cup holder.

Verdict – Buy a Bottle

~A

This soda was brought to us by YOU!  The donations you supplied were used to purchase it!